Listening for a new direction

This year appears to be a year of change. Planned, unplanned, voluntary, involuntary. It’s all new and different.

I keep looking at my horoscope to see if this was to be expected. Or if maybe I manifested this on my own somehow.

Or the outer cosmos has found me and said - this one. Mix this one up.

I’ve dreamt of change - drastic change. And I’ve always thought if I were lucky enough to receive change, I’d lean into it. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m leaning in as much as I can. If the cosmos said change - I’ll change.

I am stuck on what to change into. I’m in limbo at the moment wondering what that next step is and what I’m going to do with it. My brain is constantly looking for the opportunity here and how can I optimize it.

So to listen I’m trying to find ways to meditate. I’m not good at traditional guided meditation - sitting in a chair listening to a whispery voice guiding me to a state of calm. I can do it, but the afterward isn’t full of energy. If I actually get to the point where I can relax and anxiety eases, I just want to nap.

But then the thoughts of all there is to do come flooding back and I am back on adrenaline overload.

So, in an effort to ease my mind while in a state of anxiety, I look for things that can occupy that side of my brain.

Fidget tools - poppers, spinners, goo - I have them all. I have a veritable garden of oils for aroma therapy.

My issue with these is that they are not productive. I do not end up with a useful or pretty thing in the end.

What I really like is needle point. Some kind of hand stitching I can do while in a meeting, or watching some online training.

To that end, I’ve created my own designs for cross stitch that require minimal counting. They are repetitive patterns - which I quite like to do and are pretty when in collections on the wall.

Here is my first attempt at one.

Chain pattern cross stitch, green and yellow thread on beige Aida cloth

I have several more patterns to try. I’m hoping this is a good way to ease my mind, swing into the change that lies before me, and learn to listen deeply and creatively.